WITNESSING THE CRACK

October 17, 2023

“
A Crack - a line on the surface of something along which it has split without breaking apart.”

Every time I invite myself and someone else to create, I feel tension. I am a little scared of that day to come. I feel an irrational fear, and I’m afraid of it as it keeps me away from my intuition, my vision. This time, photographing my subject, the same feeling flooded my body. It often starts with unease, first steps, facing many uncertainties, discomforts of two people initiating a different kind of conversation, a photographic, embodied conversation.

I observe my body – it’s like a mirror, not only absorbing and reflecting the other person’s movements and gestures but also feeling and living them in its own physical form. My subject is feeling similarly, and we find ourselves in an awkward unease, reflecting each other’s states of mind and body postures. This first unease is a struggle to connect, the disconnection between me and me, between my subject and their deeper self, between me and my subject, and finally the disconnection between us and our environment. In every creative session, I always experience this division, polarity, the search, the yearning to find and be found, to bring ourselves back to our deep freedom.

There’s a reason why I always get back to creating. Every time I show up, if I persist, go through this initial disconnection, I always witness the crack. There’s a moment when the whole presence of the person in front shifts. It shifts in me simultaneously, and I can see my subject's soul. A tiny crack that allows me to see the flow of the light and easiness streaming out through the subject’s eyes and the gentle smile on the lips. This is the moment when the social smile goes away, and the subject leaves the usual ‘comfortable’, habitual movements behind and discovers something new about themselves. Then suddenly, everything falls into place, there’s no more struggle or guidance, no more thinking or projecting the pose, there’s nothing left to do. The words stop, and the anticipated creative connection just happens effortlessly. This is the moment when I LOVE deeply, I see the vulnerability bubbling inside, shining its light towards the clarity and freedom. I know it clearly when this moment is captured, and we can land.

This moment of high flows through me, and I feel complete. This is when I remember the value of taking the risk and showing up, the value of persistence and patience, the gift of welcoming the discomfort and awkwardness. Every time I remember how strange and extraordinary witnessing such irrational happenings can be and how the essence of creativity lies in the process of unfolding and going through the walls.